Know-it-all

I don't want to wake up
Knowing I know everything
Then what would be the point
Of staring at the stars?

I'd hate to go to sleep
Knowing I know everything
Then I could never say
"Life's a mystery".

Tell me, what would be the wonder
Of dreaming about thunder?
What would be the exploration
Of an island or a nation?

Why would I want to learn
How is it the flowers grow?
The farthest corners are unknown
I'd hate if they were shown.

If I knew everything
Nothing would seem brand new
The sky would seem a duller blue
My wondrous eyes would seem so cruel.

If I knew everything
My restless nights would grow so calm
But I think rewards are greater
When through life you must be strong.

I will take my days in strife
To see a greener grass
One day I'll know everything
And that day will be my last.

Leaving messages.

Tonight I let go and as a result I can feel my entire body break down.
Every inch of my insides is collapsing on top of each other.
Every fiber of my being is torn and without repair.
I feel disgusting.

I will still never change.
I am peter pan. I won't ever grow up.

And maybe it's the heat of them moment
or maybe the tears burning salty into the cuts and dry
cracks on my face but I am hurting to the point where
I think heart break might kill me.

I know I've said it a million times and I know you don't care
and hell, why would you? Look at me, I'm ugly as sin, I'm
fat, I'm scarred, emotionally fucked, mentally screwed. Indecisive,
immature, selfish, stupid, you name it. I'm there. I don't listen,
I don't behave, I don't care, I don't know. But I miss you already and
I love you so much and I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry I won't do anything right.

I don't know how to be in love. I can't write worth shit
and I can't talk about how I feel without getting cloudy eyes
and a foggy mind and losing track of what I even wanted to say.
I have a vast amount of hate for who I am and who I know I'll never be.
I'd give a lot of things to keep you, on paper.
But I'm too much of a chicken shit to follow through.

I am Liv. I am this.
This which is awful.
This which is so hard to change.

So I left.

begging.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
click the google ads located in the side bar near the bottom.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
your clicks make all the difference and i'm desperate for cash right now.
Click them once, twice, 10 times, 1000 times, i don't care.
Please just click them.

forever yours,
liv

Because I love you.

When we kiss
My body sinks
Like lead filled ice
In a tall, cold drink.

When I miss you
My ventricles burst
Spraying blood
And cells and hurt.

When we're close
My arms turn stiff
An inch or two
They will not shift.


Because I love you
My stomach kills
Butterflies
On trucker pills.

Love is a sea

I can feel love on my lips
It feels like storms and sinking ships
It sounds like screaming and banging drums
It tastes of poison, it looks like scum

Love engulfs my slurring speech
Making words seem out of reach
Words of romance spill off my tongue
Making all my phrases run

Sedated, my mind starts to go
And with it, my thoughts start to flow
Soon, what I was sure to think
Seems not much more than missing links

Now love has lost me out at sea
Lost in a balance of dangerous and free
Drowning in its lust and loss
My heart, I know, is the only cost

spilling secrets

It really is quite sad, that one of the only people in the world who should know me inside and out knows nothing about me. And besides that, thinks he knows what I need and want. When in reality, he is actually just ruining my life.

Leave ME alone, leave HIM alone. I didn't ask to be your daughter. I didn't ask for you to be my father. If I had the choice, I would leave and never come back, never even look back but, I can't.

So just leave me THE FUCK ALONE BEFORE I KILL MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.
I am happy for the first time in a long time.
If you screw this up, I'll screw you over.
And trust me, I know a hell of a lot more about your personal life then
you think I do.

Golden

The irony of being in love with you consumes me
daily. The idea of resenting distance and
still having to embrace it to keep you.

The way time passes so slowly knowing how long
it will take before i can hold you and feel you,
in your tangible state. The state that I long to
live for sooner than later.

And all of the things you think are so awful
about yourself are all the things I can't bear
to lose from you. Your compulsiveness and worrying nature.
The way you keep tabs, the way you become obsessed.
They are important to me.

You are important to me.

The way I can't last without talking to you at least once.
It scares me to know that I am dependent on your love now
but, I could never be independent without it. Not in time.

I need your warmth. Need, not want. This is beyond want.
This is utter necessity. You are like oxygen, you are like
water and food and life. You are my world. My perfection,
ideal. You are the bed I sleep in at night, the hot shower
I take in the morning, the buses I ride, the shoes on my feet,
the littlest things. You are the monumental structures that come
in eluding packages. Ones that are small, ones that we miss until we are
in love.

I am in love with you.

You are everything.