Tonight

Tonight. Tonight, it fades to day light.
And sooner go the stars.
But slower are our hearts.
They beat together and lower expectations
and start to feel sensations we thought were less than fictional.

Stay still. Stay motionless in love.
Tell me what your after. Recall to me a story
until now has been untold.
Breathe my sweet heart i won't tell no body
that you are here with me, i know they would
not understand what we have.

Cry. Cry to me your ocean tears. Fray my jeans
and all my fears. Be mine. Be mine valentine.
I didn't ever mean to love you, but i did
and now it appears it's all i've got, so don't go.
I pray for your sake i will still be sleeping
when you do.

Poems. Poems are all that i can write.
The only thing that's in clear sight and view.
Running on the fresh, wet pavement, i
remember suddenly the first fight you ever
had with me. 5. 5 years on the clock has passed.
So why do i still lack romance? Is it how my hair
falls down my back. Because that, i can't control
i swear.

Ask. Ask me what's my greatest fear?
I promise the answer will not steer
this conversation downhill because it's
not about you at all. In fact it's rather
general. And everyone has felt it's wrath
come calling. I'm not done with us, with you
with all of this. This non sense that just
means forgive. Something i will always do
and for that i have lost you. And every memory
we had is gone and dead.

Tonight. Tonight has faded but still there is
no light. And longer linger stars.

You will know

I won't ever take the bus because i choose to run in the rain.
I seek no shelter, i seek only arms to hide in.
I will never cry because i hate the ocean.
It's all i taste when tears fall on my lips.
I will never take my time because i am too fast.
I am too in love with every cloud over my head to feel bad about this retched life of mine.
I will never play solitaire because you can't play it like you can crazy eights.
I need courage in these times. In these grave times of uncertainty.
But god is not the answer only a diversion for my thoughts.
a game of hide and seek will always intrigue me more than one of dress up.
I will always think aloud and it will always annoy you.
But you will never ask me to stop.
You will not ever change because it would break my heart.
I will scream at the radio when it can't find anything i like and you will
kiss me better and put on a CD i like instead.
I will wear no make up to prove i'm ugly and you will agree
with a smirk and i will be so happy you disagree.
I will start fights no one will ever win to watch you squirm.
And whisper irrelevant things in your ear for no reason at all
just to watch you think.
And at the end of the day, when all is said and done.
you will know.

I love you.

I am the sidewalk

I am much less than human.
A drawing on the sidewalk, run down by rain.
Here i lay among the the passing feet that trample me
as if were not a person at all.
I am much less than human.
Though i am much more than all of you
who choose to walk selfishly on top on me.
So stare down and spit your used, chewed gum
and toss the cigarettes of which you have sucked the last frail breath
of cancer from.
I am, with no doubt in mind, much more than all of you.

I was a writer before i was here among the feet.
I wrote the poems you recite to your lovers on
cruel cold nights. I wrote the lullabies that put
your children, your selfish needy wanting hateful children,
to sleep. I wrote the magazine article in your hand that you read
at a coffee shop or on the bus to seem more educated and more interesting
to those around you you will never see again.
I wrote the billboard ad slogans, the weather report, the novel synopsis,
the movie review, the song lyrics, the calculator numbers, the car manual
that sits in your glove compartment and waits for its use that will never come.

I was a lover. I was the affair you had behind your wife's back with her nail girl.
The one with the short red hair and lips that teased you every time you went to
pick her up after her appointment. I was the crush you had your first day of school
on the new boy who to all your friends was weird and lonely but, you wanted him.
To be different. To be loved. I was the valentine's card you never got, the letter from war,
the wedding boquet, the guitar chords of your favourite love song, the first date dinner,
the diamond earnings to bought to be forgiven. I am love.

I was the grass. The grass you sat on in the park and doodled the trees and watched
the clouds on. Where you fell from your bike and avoided a skinned knee only to leave me
and try to ride again. The grass you cut for your neighbors one hot summer vacation
to save up for that stereo system that haunted you in the store window on your way
home from school.

But now i am in the sidewalk where people never seem to
notice me. They don't appreciate me here like they did
writing and love and grass. It's a sad life on the pavement, it
really really is. I miss the limelight, the glory, the fame.
No one appreciates the sidewalk anymore.
They just walk.

It's been a while. How about coffee?

I don't even remember my last post date.
I've been meaning to update but, never get to it
because i'm lazy and find my posts
to be much less than entertaining and/or interesting.
But, people are reading. That's a sign right?

Any way let's get the run down.
Course selections are being handed in on
tuesday because i fucked mine up
and couldn't hand em in today.

I'm going to take drama obviously
and sustainable living.
I like ecology. I feel more aware of our shit planet
because of it. I feel more...human? i guess.
More like a sheep though. Following the herd
because of this stupid "global warming" idea.

On a seperate note my dad is a total douche.
As i already knew, but this event? Takes the cake
as they say.
I was asked to be nominated for a very amazing
arts award here in town
BUT because the woman who wants me to be nominated
is on the comitee for it she can't. SOOO she asks my dad
to do it on her behalf. And he refuses. Why?
Quite simply because he and i quote
"doesn't think i'm good enough for it"

JERK
JERK JERK JERK JERK.

But, i have great friends thank the
higher being out there.
And music.
Thank who ever invented music.

I wanna right a poem But i think my
only good stuff comes from depression
and lately im not depressed. Which is good for me
but shit for my writing.

But ill try.

Thanks for your time.

It's been a while. How about coffee?

Almost. Not quite.

I could have been happy y'know.
could have felt something real.

But, not anymore.
I wish i was used to it. I'm not obviously.
I really do love you.
With everything inside of me.
You make me smile.
I miss that dearly.

Always have.
And now, always will.

Everything sucks. I wanna be happy.
You made me so happy. You don;t even care.

No one even cares. I just need someone to
care and love me and no one can.
No one wants to.

I HATE THE WORLD. I HATE ALL
THE PEOPLE WHO WANNA SOLVE
THINGS, SAVE ME. YOU CAN'T
JUST STOP.
JUST LET ME DIE. PLEASE GOD.

i really really really love you.
And i was so happy.
I was so at peace, at rest. In love.

I wrote for you everyday. And you
left. And im gutted.
Clean removal of my heart.

I hate you. You made me whole