Worry Wart.

Sometimes, most of the time, I worry.
I worry about ending up alone.
About the way my hair looks,
or if my makeup has rubbed off.
I worry about my grades,
about my health.
I worry about my heart.
I worry that it's broken beyond repair.
That it won't feel the way it i want it to about people.
I worry I won't be beautiful to someone.
I worry that the girls, the awful girls,
who treat others unfairly, who are mean and who are
shallow, will get everything I've wanted in life.
When I can't sleep, I sit up in my big, lonely, over sized
bed and I worry my depression will never go away.
I worry that I'm not the only person in your life that
you say you love.
That worries me a lot.
In fact, it scares me.
And it hurts me to think that maybe
I'm really not the most amazing girl you known.
And maybe, just maybe, I'm really not enough.
Because I know in my heart, I'm not.
And you know it too.
I worry that I won't ever be happy
And I worry that you lie about how you feel.
That's what I worry about.

Even though I'm not.

You call me beautiful
I call delusional.
I call it like i see it, that's what you say.

You make me smile
Feel worth while.
I feel lucky knowing you, that's what you say.

Apparently I'm pretty great
I won't call it fate
But you do.

And hell I am no Shakespeare
I am no Picaso's Mona Lisa
Nice to meet ya.
Here I am, and here I stand.
And so you say, I should never change
rearrange
myself.

Ginger, Mary-Anne
I hear Gilligan has got a plan
And I agree with him
To convince you I am not
so great and much more grim.

I will say it 900 times
I don't see why I'm so fine.
And yes, secretly
I do adore it
When my looks
you won't ignore em.

I could love you in an instant
But I'll keep that to myself
With all my other silly thoughts
All propped upon on a shelf.

You call me lot's of pretty words
I call infatuated with a silly girl
I call it like i see it, that's what you say.

You said you'd love me too
when you were drunk one day.

i love to hold my fright quite tight.

P.S i know halloween is over a month away,
so back off.


I
Wanna love you till you rot
And sure, that might sound inappropriate
But it's the truth, my soon to one day be
zombie buttercup.

I
Wanna hold you till you die
And god forbid most absolutely
But one day it's bound to happen my
beautiful corpse bride.

I
Wanna kiss you till you bleed
And yes it is a cruel intention
But sometimes it is what you need my
darling phantom queen.

happy halloween.

Sustainable Procrastinating

We're in a sustainable living class.
And we're not working.

Roxann's here.
And Sam.

I really love that the school board doesn't block blogger.
This is so much fun.

Coupe des cheveux.

Tis the season for liv's new haircut
fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la.

Yes folks, it's true. Liv got the old mop
chopped and cropped, molded and folded,
slices and diced.

bangs, bangs, bangs my friends.
fringe as can be.

Sap.

You're the kind of girl
who belongs in a picture book.
Much to beautiful for the real world
far beyond how all the others look.

Eyes that glimmer cliches
like all the stars up in heaven.
A mind of quirky pieces
On a scale from 1-10 babe, you hit eleven.

If I could be a real writer
god, the words I'd send to you.
If I was less a lover, more a fighter
not a battle for you would I ever lose.

Superman once asked me
would I want to save this earth?
What a burden that would be
since saving you is all it's worth.

Burn me, break me, shut me down
I could never leave your side.
If a hand to hold is not around
willingly, I shall provide.

Your smile could cause world peace
in every toothy grin you show.
I hope your love will never cease
for every day, mine surly grows.

With every sappy word I think
I realize each one is true
And with every word I've put down in ink
I think these ones will seem to do

I love you.

The distance

This is the last day of my life.
This is the first day of my living.
This is the last day of my gifts.
This is the first day of my giving.
Here today is the last time i say hello.
And not the only time i say i have to go.
This is how the story's wrote.
This is how the story came to be composed,
all in those eyes.
Your beautiful eyes
that remind me of skies
so blue.
And so clear.
Even when you cry,
I can see for days my dear.
Oh how I'm gonna love you.
Oh how I'll run a marathon for you.
Cross the seas
and all the sand
if it's just to hold your hand
I will go
the distance in a day
in an hour
in a second
anyway,
I have to.
I will go
it all for you.
Oh how I'll go
how I'll go
it all for you.

By Definition

hyp⋅o⋅crite

/ˈhɪpəkrɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciat[hip-uh-krit]
-noun
a person who pretends to have virtues,
moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc.,
that he or she does not actually possess,
esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs.

just so you know what you are.
it's this.

want want want

I don't want to cradle pillows in my sleep.
I don't want to listen to mellow, heartbreaking acoustic on my ipod all the time.
I don't want to only write sad stories.
I don't want love to be an unfortunate feeling.
I don't want to cry to be able to sleep well.
I don't want to contemplate suicide 3 times a week.
I don't want to fake smiles.
I don't want to be considered strong for being unhappy.
I don't want to be taken seriously because I've been through a lot.
I don't want to get a heavy heart when I try and discuss my feelings.
I don't want you to tell me to go away.
I don't want to be ignored.
I don't want to bottle anger.
I don't want to be jealous of pretty, stupid girls.
I don't want to need.
I don't want to feel such terrible things, I wish i was numb.
I don't want to envy people who hold hands.
I don't want to hate my bed.
I don't want to be different this way.
I don't want people to call me bipolar.
I don't want to hate seeing you enjoy life.
I don't want other girls to like you.
I don't want other boys to call you baby.
I don't want to be jealous.
I don't want to be sad, all the fucking time.
I don't want to cry until I get sick.
I don't want to be awkward.
I don't want to be angry for no reason.
I don't want to be incapable of fixing my problems.
I don't want to feed off of orgasms because i crave the endorphins.
I don't want an eating disorder.
I don't want to drink my worries away.
I don't want to be this.
Me.
All of this bull crap that people tell me
is so "amazing"
is so "beautiful, gorgeous"
is so "unique and incredible"
is so "don't ever change"
is so "don't hate yourself"
is so
FUCKING AWFUL AND NO ONE LOVES ME
AND ONE WANTS ME
AND I CAN'T BE WITH ANYONE BECAUSE
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WITHOUT WORRYING
THEY'RE ALWAYS GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE
I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY.

I don't want to be alone.

Unqualified Advice

This is for the power fighters.
This is for the story writers.
This is for the motorheads.
This is for the whores in bed.
This is for the freedom people.
This is for the church and steeple.
This is for the old bus driver.
This is for the new grade niner.
This is for the dying man.
This is for the marching band.
This is for the country's leader.
This is for the woman beater.
This is for the loud mouth chicks.
This is for the jerks and dicks.
This is for evolutionists.
This is for revolutionists.
This is for the young pure lovers.
This is for the long lost brothers.
This is for the traffic cop.
This is for the moms that never stop.
This for the guitar heroes.
This for the total zeroes.
This is for the lonely losers.
This is for the cool car cruisers.
This is for the pretty ladies.
This is for the iffy maybes.
This is for rebel outlaws.
This is for he who has no cause.
This is for the pregnant prom queens.
This is for the college deans.
This is for the high school grads.
This is for the sex mad lads.
This is for the pot head dropouts.
This is for the sports team swapouts.
This is for those who've had enough.
My advice?
Don't give up.

Knowing

Every part of me knows
This is just how the story goes
This is just how the wind must blow
Every part of me knows

Every inch of me can agree
This is just how we get set free
This is just how we come to be
Every inch of me can agree

Every length of me can understand
This is just the ways of man
This is just the beat played by the band
Every length of me can understand

Every molecule of me is aware
This is just too much to bare
this is just, it is not fair
Every molecule of me is aware

Everybody seems to get it
This is just life, so you can't sweat it
This is just existence, so just forget it
Everybody seems to get it

So fondly goes your mind
And in the melting snow you'll find
The lost and tattered souls of yesteryear
Buried deep in winter's fear
Try to help them you will not
Their time has passed, they're now forgot.

Every part of me knows
This is just how the story goes
This is how the wind must blow
Every part of me knows

But i wish it could be
A different ending for you and me
And all the tattered souls of yesteryear
Who too wanted different endings to be
Different endings for you and me.

This is why I can't be honest.

I want you to get out of my life and stay where you may wander.
Because every time you talk I wonder why you even bother with me.

Just, go away.
Please?

Guaraentee

This weather we are facing is replacing
all the sunshine in your eyes.
In your big brown eyes that I love.
And what has come between us
Intervened us
It will pass
If you let it
It only lasts
If you let it.
This I always guarantee.

So tell me darling, how can I help
If all you do is let our differences collect up on the shelf.
Discovering dust, forgetting us. What has happened here?
Don't you tell me that I've changed and that your feelings have
all rearranged.
That's a lie.
And you know it.
You make me cry.
And you know it.
This I always guarantee.

Lemme make the best of your bad situation
tell me how's this variation
don't give up on us.
Don't throw this loving underneath the bus
don't put my calls on hold
don't you go and act so cold.
This charade that you've been playing?
Damn dear, it is getting old.

So tell me, how you gonna spend your holidays?
Alone sulking in your fictional pain?
Man what a waste
Boy what a bad taste
in your mouth.
Come spend them here with me
Exchanging gifts under the tree.
Oh what a scene.
Babe, what a scene.

That smile is delightful
Positively.
That mind is so insightful
Positively.
This I always guarantee.

Oh I need you.
This I always guarantee
This I always guarantee
Babe, I'll always guarantee
That I love you
and you love me.
Guaranteed.