want want want

I don't want to cradle pillows in my sleep.
I don't want to listen to mellow, heartbreaking acoustic on my ipod all the time.
I don't want to only write sad stories.
I don't want love to be an unfortunate feeling.
I don't want to cry to be able to sleep well.
I don't want to contemplate suicide 3 times a week.
I don't want to fake smiles.
I don't want to be considered strong for being unhappy.
I don't want to be taken seriously because I've been through a lot.
I don't want to get a heavy heart when I try and discuss my feelings.
I don't want you to tell me to go away.
I don't want to be ignored.
I don't want to bottle anger.
I don't want to be jealous of pretty, stupid girls.
I don't want to need.
I don't want to feel such terrible things, I wish i was numb.
I don't want to envy people who hold hands.
I don't want to hate my bed.
I don't want to be different this way.
I don't want people to call me bipolar.
I don't want to hate seeing you enjoy life.
I don't want other girls to like you.
I don't want other boys to call you baby.
I don't want to be jealous.
I don't want to be sad, all the fucking time.
I don't want to cry until I get sick.
I don't want to be awkward.
I don't want to be angry for no reason.
I don't want to be incapable of fixing my problems.
I don't want to feed off of orgasms because i crave the endorphins.
I don't want an eating disorder.
I don't want to drink my worries away.
I don't want to be this.
Me.
All of this bull crap that people tell me
is so "amazing"
is so "beautiful, gorgeous"
is so "unique and incredible"
is so "don't ever change"
is so "don't hate yourself"
is so
FUCKING AWFUL AND NO ONE LOVES ME
AND ONE WANTS ME
AND I CAN'T BE WITH ANYONE BECAUSE
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WITHOUT WORRYING
THEY'RE ALWAYS GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE
I CAN'T MAKE ANYONE HAPPY.

I don't want to be alone.