Deranged

Can you taste me on your tongue
As my senses start to run
My scent becomes my vision
My touch is now what listens

I'll give up the sunshine
If you make it worth my time
The night has strayed and left me lonely
I need your arms to make me homely

Winter's fleeting, winter's fickle
Payed off summer with only nickels
Warm like green tea, soothes my soul
love like yours to fill a hole

so empty
and still so full
irony
stings my veins
empathy
so deranged
where are you?

Snuff recording

I did a rough recording of the new original song
(somewhat accurate lyrics are in the previous post)

i encourage being told how bad it might sound.
thanks.
http://chivalryonapostcard.tumblr.com

Snuff - new original song

this is a metaphor, a metaphor for love
it takes time to memorize so lets not jump the gun
i think if we take our time we will be just fine

I don't wanna sleep somewhere where i cant see the stars
I don't wanna turn my head to only hear the cars
I will only be at rest if i hold your hand

I don't think I'm enough
hell yes, i know it, know I'm not up to snuff
maybe he wont recognize me if i wear this hat
maybe he will take me, even take me back

Breaking out of old routine, I seem to lose my head
Hoping if i sleep tonight its with you instead
Mattress is a funny word in Latin means death bed.

I don't think I'm enough
hell yes, i know it, know I'm not up to snuff
maybe he wont recognize me if i wear this hat
maybe he will take me, even take me back

What are we gonna do now
Who are we gonna see now
Why do I have to leave right now
right now

this is a metaphor, a metaphor for love

A means to an end.

I don't think I want to write anymore.

Know-it-all

I don't want to wake up
Knowing I know everything
Then what would be the point
Of staring at the stars?

I'd hate to go to sleep
Knowing I know everything
Then I could never say
"Life's a mystery".

Tell me, what would be the wonder
Of dreaming about thunder?
What would be the exploration
Of an island or a nation?

Why would I want to learn
How is it the flowers grow?
The farthest corners are unknown
I'd hate if they were shown.

If I knew everything
Nothing would seem brand new
The sky would seem a duller blue
My wondrous eyes would seem so cruel.

If I knew everything
My restless nights would grow so calm
But I think rewards are greater
When through life you must be strong.

I will take my days in strife
To see a greener grass
One day I'll know everything
And that day will be my last.

Leaving messages.

Tonight I let go and as a result I can feel my entire body break down.
Every inch of my insides is collapsing on top of each other.
Every fiber of my being is torn and without repair.
I feel disgusting.

I will still never change.
I am peter pan. I won't ever grow up.

And maybe it's the heat of them moment
or maybe the tears burning salty into the cuts and dry
cracks on my face but I am hurting to the point where
I think heart break might kill me.

I know I've said it a million times and I know you don't care
and hell, why would you? Look at me, I'm ugly as sin, I'm
fat, I'm scarred, emotionally fucked, mentally screwed. Indecisive,
immature, selfish, stupid, you name it. I'm there. I don't listen,
I don't behave, I don't care, I don't know. But I miss you already and
I love you so much and I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry I won't do anything right.

I don't know how to be in love. I can't write worth shit
and I can't talk about how I feel without getting cloudy eyes
and a foggy mind and losing track of what I even wanted to say.
I have a vast amount of hate for who I am and who I know I'll never be.
I'd give a lot of things to keep you, on paper.
But I'm too much of a chicken shit to follow through.

I am Liv. I am this.
This which is awful.
This which is so hard to change.

So I left.

begging.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
click the google ads located in the side bar near the bottom.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
your clicks make all the difference and i'm desperate for cash right now.
Click them once, twice, 10 times, 1000 times, i don't care.
Please just click them.

forever yours,
liv

Because I love you.

When we kiss
My body sinks
Like lead filled ice
In a tall, cold drink.

When I miss you
My ventricles burst
Spraying blood
And cells and hurt.

When we're close
My arms turn stiff
An inch or two
They will not shift.


Because I love you
My stomach kills
Butterflies
On trucker pills.

Love is a sea

I can feel love on my lips
It feels like storms and sinking ships
It sounds like screaming and banging drums
It tastes of poison, it looks like scum

Love engulfs my slurring speech
Making words seem out of reach
Words of romance spill off my tongue
Making all my phrases run

Sedated, my mind starts to go
And with it, my thoughts start to flow
Soon, what I was sure to think
Seems not much more than missing links

Now love has lost me out at sea
Lost in a balance of dangerous and free
Drowning in its lust and loss
My heart, I know, is the only cost