Anchors

Unrequited love is the most important part of me
And those of us who chase it, thrive on it.
Thrive on the knowing that you can lock a stare, can hold a kiss
Can catch a person’s breath so easily and not know why, but know you can
And just easy
Poof, vanish, like a magic trick gone in an instant
The beautiful assistant sliced in half put back together and carried off stage.
That’s you.
It builds up inside you, this kind of love.
The instant fix, disposable razor, freeze dry food kind of love.
It makes homes and communities, sky scrapers where tiny people work their lives away in boring cubicle jobs where there’s two ways to make it to the top:
Sleep with your boss or kill the guy who’s in front of you, waiting in line to make his family proud, his wife look at him with lingering eyes and to hear his children call him “dad” not “Hank” or “Fred” or “John”.
And after a while when all these little pieces of unrequited love have made their homes and cities and churches and supermarkets and fall carnivals and hospitals and high schools, you’d think your heart would explode, your body implode, your existence just shatter but it doesn’t.
You start to think after all these little pieces have left and found their own love but not unrequited love but real love with families and hugs and kisses and birthdays and fights and sleep tights and story books and fairy tales, you’d think you’d want that too.
And maybe I’m supposed to.
Maybe all the unrequited chaser should want that but I don’t.
I tell myself “alone forever thou shalt die” and an uncomfortable silence rings in my ears and chills my veins and calls me names and I want out
But lately I don’t.
And lately I just want to be alone.
Maybe forever I don’t know
I’m still young and unrequited aren’t I?
I want to be alone
I hate everyone too much to let them linger
Only in my thoughts they can
And when they try and stay at first I am okay and like it
But it hurts, that they love me, that they cling like cancer and get to know me.
I hate them.
People. Ugh people.
I hate people.
Unrequited, forever alone
I’d like to stay my own world, one person
I like myself enough to be alone
Leave me alone
I don’t want lingering love in tangibility I want thoughts to write about
And be alone.
People are not anchors but they will certainly bring you down.