Blog Virginity: Taken

My name is Liv B.
I wish it was, however, Liv Elwood Darko.
(note the previous comment is not relivent to anything)

I am the following:
-Depressed
-Confused
-Alone
-Compliacted
-Indecsive
-Funny
-Intelligent
-Beautiful
-Bisexual
-Sleep deprived
-A published writer
-An award winning actress
-Illegal
-Broken Hearted


So here we go:

In the january of 2008 i became involved with a guy named cody. he was the most amazing person i have met and will ever meet in my life. He was funny,charming,sweet,cute,reassuring,intelligent. He was my whole life. He, unfortunatley will always be my whole life. We fell for eachother fast, though our relationships circumstances weren't ideal. He lived in Minnesota, i lived in Canada. In februrary he proposed and in march he was supposed to come here, move to Toronto and marry me by the time i was 18. I based me entire life right then and there around the idea that no matter how terrible your life,your past encounters or the future ones at that, there will always be 1 person to look to. Cody was that for me. But, sadly, the night before I was expecting his arrival, he told me he had a girl friend in MN, that he didn't know if he loved me, what i was to him, what i meant in his life. My heart shattered. My eyes bled. I hit myself in the heart repeatidly until my chest was covered in 4 fist size bruises. I attempted suicide. My life was over.

Since then, i have not been in a steady relationship. Everyone i get close to leaves the first chance they get. I have trust issues. I either don't or lay too much in them. I fall fast and i fall hard. I hate who i am. I hate what i've become, not only because of cody, but because of my choices in life. Since that day i've attempted suicide twice. I've written 72 suicide note drafts.

If i could save 1 person by helping them see it's ok to feel this way, as long as you are strong, i would die happy. I wish this pain upon no one. I know in my heart i don't deserve it. That one does. So i urge you, anyone who feels this way, lost, heartbroken,confused, alone. Please don't. The world's is an ugly terrible place but you have to see beauty in it. Whether it's real or not, you have to. It's as essential as breathing.

Please.