Difference.

See, see, the thing about us two.
You and me, i mean, it's really quite simple.
Very simple, in fact. So simple, that the stupidest
people could understand. As long as they knew about
being alone.

Because, you and I, you and I have both been alone.
Very alone actually. So alone in fact we've wanted to die.
To take the form of death and just...escape.
But, the problem with relation is this.
One of the pair must find something so they can
no longer relate. A difference.

For example,

John and Jeanie are a pair.
John and Jeanie both like chocolate ice cream.
One day, John discovers strawberry ice cream.
Jeanie, does not.
John decides he like strawberry better and forgets what
chocolate is like.
Jeanie, does not.
Jeanie is now stuck with chocolate.
John is happy with strawberry.

See? See the difference?


Now try this one on for size.

You and I are a pair.
You and I are both lonely.
One day, you discover accompaniment.
I, do not.
You decide you like accompaniment better than loneliness.
I, do not.
I am not stuck with lonely.
You are happy with accompaniment.

I remember the day we reached the crossroads.
We went in different directions, and I lied
about how happy i was for you, that everything
was working out for you the way it should have years
ago.

I wish i was happy with my difference.
I wish it made me stronger faster.
It will in time, but right now,
it's broken ankles.
To hear the injury, it doesn't sound like
much. To be the one trying to walk on them?
It feels like a lot more.

Broken ankles.
Heh, I like it.

How to grow a heart.

Ripped my heart from my chest
Laid it in the ground to rest.
Fed it sunlight, feed it love
Hoping it would rise above.
Past the rooftops, past the trees
Past their beautiful green leaves.
To the highest point of life
It would reach up and recite:
I see a lover, searching somewhere
searching for you to say they care.
To stare into your bright, blue eyes
And speak not a single word of lies.
To vow their love and tell the truth
No promises they couldn't prove.
This lover is searching high and low
But they know not where they must go.
Just to kiss you on your sad, soft lips
and hold you by your aching hips.
To tell you are beautiful every second of the day
And trust you though they know, you've made a few mistakes.
I sit here with my planted heart
Praying soon the growth will start.
Wishing, hoping, begging, pleading
This miracle, i should receive it.
Pounding soil with my fists
Crying tears and throwing fits.
Dropped on my knees and started to dig
scrambled through dirt to find it within.
And to my displeasure, my heart, it had died.
And could never grow, there was no love inside.
So now in my chest, there lies a hole.
And out in the yard, there lies no soul.
I am a body with no love to share
Because I tired for just that and got left in despair.

Something hard to stomach.

Last night i cried the hardest i've ever cried in more than a year.
I wanted to vomit and vomit and vomit.
I wanted to fall asleep and die.
Just realize death, and take it all in.
And die.

Not intentionally, just a freak comatose that engulfs me
in the wee hours of the night.
And makes everything numb, everything better.
Everything go away.

I thought it was about being happy for the longest time.
All I had to do was smile straight and look pretty.
And just be happy, and everything would be perfect. Right?
Wrong.

I want to just feel something. Anything that isn't unhappiness.
That doesn't make want to vomit.
Or die.
An emotion that makes you smile and makes you warm.
That revives you from being ultimately numb.
A hug or a kiss or a caress or a heart beat.
Something, ANYTHING.

It's not about someone fixing me
it's not about finding someone to make it all better,
to save me. to tell me everything i want to hear but
never did.

It's about fixing myself so i can feel it when you
touch me again.
So i can be all those things people tell me i am
but i'm not because i'm just really good at make believe.
Always was, always will be.

It's never been about falling in love, has it?
Not really.
It's not about adoring or infatuating or making memories.
It was about feeling.
Pure, natural, clean, unadulterated feelings.

I get it now.
But it's something hard to stomach.

Hurt.

Hurts, hurts to breathe
hurts to wear hearts upon your sleeve.
Hurts to trust, hurts to feel
hurts to think that this was real.
Hurts to think that you cared
hurts that you didn't want to share
what i thought that you thought
that we'd make it if we fought.
I'm not beautiful, not smart.
if I was I'd still be your missing part.
I'd be your one be your only
fuck, now I'll never feel you hold me.
So i'll die in my sleep
drown to death from tears i weep.
I am worthless i am scum.
I am something you once loved.
Hurts to think that lied
about what you felt inside.
I went numb, i went blue
if it meant i could keep you
now I'm fucked, can't feel nothing
can't feel nothing but your bluffing .
You made me smile made me warm
made me calm before this storm.
And i won't make it very long
because it hurts to hear that song.
The one that reminded you of me
that one that i played constantly.
But you know what is worse?
you promised that i'd never hurt.

Inspiration

There's a poem brewing in my head
I can see it next to me in bed.
It has a smile just like yours,
Made of seas side clouds and open doors.

There's a tune sitting on my tongue
The kind i know one day we will all hum.
A playful ditty, nothing more and nothing less
something catchy to impress.

There's a song ringing in my ears
stuck inside my mind, it's all that i can hear.
But i wouldn't have it any other way
because the song stuck in my head today
it's all about you.

Every time i put my pen to paper, you're all that i can see
in the words i haven't written yet, i envision you and me
and Suddenly.
The world makes sense.
And suddenly
My time becomes well spent.
And all at once
I know meaning like no other
And all at once
I feel something for another

There's a poem brewing in my head
I almost forgot all about it until you said
Until you brought up my humility
I wish you wouldn't do that,
now I'm as blushed as blushed can be
And all the birds
And all the bees
And all the love that you descend on me
It'll write something beautiful
That one day the world will read.

Mocking birds and morning doves.

Do you know why you sleep on your side at night?
With your hands caressed between your soft thighs.
Did he see you get all dressed up for his flight?
Was he there when your knees went out like a light?

Who will take you home with them baby?
Who will love you, better yet save me?
Who chose to run, was it me or was it you baby?
When did i fall, and when do you want to catch me?

When you wake up why is it that your heart races?
When he walks away why do you count his paces?
When you stare in the mirror do you see 2 blind faces?
Are you jealous that it isn't you who he chases?

Who will take you home with them baby?
Who will love you, better yet save me?
Who chose to run, was it me or was it you baby?
When did i fall, and when do you want to catch me?

When will i die in your arms, is it now?
Why did you leave, explain to me how?
Breathe faster please, my lungs need you air.
Am i showing signs, tell me, do i look scared?

Mocking birds and morning doves
High school sweat hearts and young lost loves
Warm wool hats and new knit gloves
Tingles and goosebumps
Bad colds and mumps

Who will take you home with them baby?
Who will love you, better yet save me?
Who chose to run, was it me or was it you baby?
When did i fall, and when do you want to catch me?

Write me a letter, I'll see you later.
Make me feel better, make me feel greater.
Love me like yesterday
Care for me other ways
Remember me fondly.
It's my turn to leave.

Shakespeare in love.

I would give an eternity and beyond to know our love
like I hardly know myself.
This soul of which my body takes, this entity is more
uncommon and confusing to me than any other in the world.
Even those of whom I've never met.

What fool am I to throw away a passion that would
make fire ashamed if it only knew envy. What fool am I
to be without a heart warm enough to keep a flame lit.
What fools are we together to have thrown this aside?

I needed not a lifetime to understand this mind so
eluding i possess. By morrow thoughts would stand
in daylight casting shadows on the sea they would be
so clear and all would be settled.

And now I cry that sea of which I speak, for now
there is no we. There is no I, only you. I cannot
stand alone and keep a blessed smile on this face.
And love you i did, love you i still do.

I dare not end a future from a past.
And if I could write the ways of William Shakespeare
by god, I would be a poet and a player of no end.
My eyes would not be a pair that glazed in gray and shame.
My voice, a mocking bird's sweet sonnet and my hands, a pair
of tools and work not a pair of broken quills.

But, i cannot write the ways of William Shakespeare.
And so it ends in broken hearts, and 1000 goodbyes unsaid.
I miss you already.

Numb

I've found comatose in your kiss
I've found something I'd rather miss
some feeling I've come to be unfamiliar with.

You know i hate to admit that I've gone numb
but, i don't even know where these feelings are from
from the soil, the sea, a heart with no beat.

I've been bruised by a perfect hand.
so please just try and understand
that if i were broken again
it cannot be by a lesser man.

If i hated you like i hate him
if i stopped comparing you to his sins
if i stopped wanting to find flaws
if i had known happiness before this fall.

If i had no sadness in my heart
if i had gone slow from the start
if i knew love like i knew hate
if i knew how to admit that things aren't great

i don't know how to love and have a heart that ain't healed.
I'm unsure how to pretend to deal
i can't pretend to hold you and think this is real


I think that i love you but I'm too numb to feel.

Fourth of July

I fell in love on the fourth of July
The parade goers cheered and the jets hit the sky
On the shores of Manhattan, you kissed me goodbye
I recall my sick,sweet thoughts screaming "is this how'll you die?"

We questioned strange spellings
We queried his tellings
We pondered our findings
And forgot all our remindings

How can i last in a cement ridden sea
It sticks to my arms and holds tight on my knees
Never could i escaped even if i pleased
For it's taken me below to a future of disease.

I fell in love on the fourth of July
I still remember the sound of parades and jets in the sky
When we met in Manhattan, you kissed me good bye
Funny how it's only now i recall how I died.

The break up.

www.creativewritingprompts.com idea #313

I was standing in the rain waiting for him all night.
All night I waited and waited and waited.
And he never showed up.

He didn't want to see me anymore. I felt it in my gut
since our 3 year anniversary. I could see it in his eyes.
I could feel it in his kiss. But he never said anything.

On Tuesday night i was walking home drunk as fuck from
a party. None of my friends wanted to drive me home since they
were all pretty wasted too. But i had to work the next morning and need
to crash at my place, not Rick's. So like i said, i walked.

I walked past the co-op on the corner of Lincoln and Elm. That's where Chris works.
That's where we met.

I wanted to buy organic shampoo but at the regular grocery store it was over
$13.00. My friend Jill told me I could get it for about $4.50 at the co-op across
town. I had nothing better to do that day, so i went.

Chris was the first person I saw. I asked him where it was and he smiled. He had
a really nice smile. I thought about it the whole night I stood in the rain.

"Excuse me...Jason? Where's the shampoo?" That's what his name tag said. Jason.

"It's not Jason. 2 months now they've said they'd get me a name tag that
actually has my name on it and still nothing."

"Oh. Well, what's your named?"

"Chris Lucado." Lucado. What a funny last name.

"I'm Michelle." I hate my name.

"Aisle 3, behind the cereal."

"Thanks."

I went to find it. He followed me. I thought he liked me. He was just putting the cereal
away.

I watched him the whole time. He stacked all the lower and middle shelves first.
Then when i assumed he was going to do the top shelves, he stopped. For a long time.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"I have to put the top cereal away."

I didn't understand.

"Is that a problem?"

"I can't do it."

"Get the step ladder." I pointed to the utility closet which was left open. I could see it sticking out.

"No...I'm afraid of heights."

That's all I remember about the first day we met.
I wish i remembered more, but i don't.

I stopped in front on the co-op and started to cry.
I missed Chris. He used to call me Belle. Like the Beatles song.
I loved the Beatles. So did he. It was our song.

Chris came out of the back of the co-op.
He was whistling and jingling his keys.
I didn't notice him at first, but he noticed me.
I heard his keys drop.

He said "Belle?"

My heart slammed into the pavement.
He drove me home.
We got to the front of my apartment and i said,

"Are you still scared of heights?"

"Yes."

"Is that why you broke up with me? Did you not want to get any higher?"

I heard him sniff in the dark of the car and saw his hand wipe under his eye
and across his cheek in the glow of a street light.

"Bye Michelle."

"Bye Chris."

A day of mentionables.

Here's the deal. I have writer's block. So i googled "creative writing topics" and came across a handy dandy site
http: //creativewritingprompts.com/ with 329 fresh writing ideas. With the assistance of my friend Patrick i am doing #65.

Write about Valentine's day without mentioning the words:
Valentine's day, love, flowers, hearts, roses, February or cupid.

AHEM

It's a day upon which 2 significant others come together to bask in the warm candle glow of a romantic dinner and gaze into each other's eyes and remember the day they met, the feelings they have for one another and pretend to be fully aware of where the current idea of romance is headed.

It's a day composed of the numbers 1 & 4. It has no real meaning but the one we give it. The one we choose for it to represent. To some it is a day of revenue. A time of month when greeting card companies and florists can rack up all the cash they can. When gross chalky candies in the shape of a vital organ can be tossed about freely as a meaning for infatuation.

To others, it really is a day of symbolism. The gifts and kisses are yes, untrue and yes, why should today be the only day when we share our feelings and appreciate one another as a partner and care giver, provider and companion. But still, any excuse is a good excuse. And just because you're alone doesn't mean the rest of us have to feel like we are. Selfish and forward, true and correct.

Today, on this day, people of all walks of life will join hands in the hopes together they will take steps further into a better future together. Some will end in tears and some in smiles. Some is sex hair and bedroom eyes, others intoxicated nights alone due to 2 for 1 shots to celebrate the evening at a night club.

No matter which way it is pronounced, this day has meaning.